KUNIKMATI KEHENINGAN

KU NIKMATI KEHENINGAN[ based on true events ]
wrote back again on files HENING SEMESTA ALAM :
in bedroom of renthouse
that time was May 21,2006...11:11 pm
not yet been slept this time....with cigar,black coffee and absolutely chocolate
thinking about,stil don't believe it that she was already passed away....







( Pikiran. Perasaan. Hati. Semua tertuju padamu. ENTAH apa yang terjadi????....Tapi mengapa hatiku gundah seperti mimpi buruk yang datang menjelangi malam-malamku. MENGAPA? )


Jam sepuluh malam.
Bulan naik ke peraduannya.
Tak ada angin.
Tak ada mega.
GELAP.
Seperti awan mengerti perasaan hati ini.



DIAM ????
DIAM....DIAM
DAN DIAM
Bukannya tak ingin
Detik ini
Aku hanya
kehabisan kata-kata
Kar'na kata
kadang
tampaknya
Sperti
tak akan berarti
'tuk sbagian orang
maka biarlah kunikmati
KEHENINGAN ini
seperti
sebuah tulisan
di dinding bangunan
yang
aku lihat
BICARA YANG BAIK
ATAU
DIAM


( Pikiran. Perasaan. Hati. Mereka tidak pernah sejalan untuk menjemput sebuah IMPIAN.... MENGAPA????....Akupun tak mengerti )


Jam sepuluh lewat tigapuluh menit.
Bulan masih tepat di atas kepalaku.
Dan anginpun tetap tiada.



Sepuluh detik terlewatkan
tanpa suara
Lampu ruangan tidur
masih menyala
Tertegun aku
menggumam
SENDIRI
terbesit di
kepalaku
bahwa
Satu hal yang pasti
yang buatku
masih
bertahan hidup
HARAPAN
ya HARAPAN
dari sebuah mimpi
IMPIAN yang
mengunjungiku
Ketika aku terlelap
Tetapi
aku sadar
TUHAN
juga t'lah
membangunkan aku
setiap harinya
Dan memberikan aku
KESEMPATAN
'tuk meraih impianku
menjadi KENYATAAN



( Pikiran. Perasaanku. Hatiku. Semuanya tertuju lagi kepadamu. Aku pun tahu apa yang sedang terjadi???? ....MENGAPA??? Dan aku pun mengerti malam ini....... )



Jam sebelas malam.
Suasana pekat.
Dan gulita.
Tak ada tawa keriangan.
Apalagi isak tangis.
Hanya keheningan yang membuka pikiran
perasaan dan hati ini.


Kadang sulit
menorehkan tinta
lewat kata
yang akan kau lihat
Mengatakan sesuatu
yang perlu kau dengar
Atau menjadi
Diriku yang sebenarnya



Bila hati bicara
haruskah
aku bilang
kepadamu
Engkau tumbuh begitu cepat
Belajar begitu banyak
T'rasa berat
bagiku setiap hari
Melakukan yang terbaik
'tuk membantumu
sepanjang jalan
Sebaiknya aku DIAM
atau memberikan nasihat
Apakah aku harus
Menjawab YA
Atau TIDAK sama sekali
Semestinya aku mengendalikan
banyak aturan
Atau cuma merelakanmu
hilang
Satu bagian yang pasti
Aku tidaklah SEMPURNA
Dan aku pasti
'kan bertindak SALAH
Mungkin
sebagian kelihatan
sulit diperbaiki
Tetapi
jika segalanya
tampak sudah TAK JELAS
sekarang
ketahuilah bahwa
Kau masih bisa
selalu
mengandalkan aku
nanti







(Pikiranku. Perasaanku. Hatiku. Mereka tidak akan pernah sejalan untuk mewujudkan sebuah IMPIAN. MENGAPA? Aku pun mengerti,tetapi mengapa hatiku slalu BAHAGIA walaupun mimpi buruk slalu menemaniku di setiap malam. Aku tersenyum kar'na mimpi buruk itu adalah MISTERI ILLAHI....YA,hanya DIA YANG MAHA TAHU,sobatku dan oleh sebab itu mengertilah,kekasihku.... )


Tepat tengah malam.
Lewat tujuh menit.
Pembicaraan selesai tuntas.
Permenungan habis.
Kepada diriku sendiri.
Aku tersenyum heran.
Bahagia terlintas.
Mengenang wajahnya.
Rambutnya hitam memanjang.
Matanya memancar lebar.
KECERIAAN YANG HILANG AKHIRNYA ADA.
di bayangan kepalaku.



Kadang aku tak tahu
betapa pentingnya
TANGGUNG JAWAB
'tuk menjadi
SAHABAT SEJATImu
Ataupun
KEKASIHmu
Akan tetapi
AKU PAHAM
betapa berharganya
PERSAHABATAN
dan
hubungan PERTALIAN
dalam
HIDUP ini



Kar'na kedua-duanya
bisa HILANG
SELAMANYA
bila
aku tak
BERTAHAN
MENJAGAnya







"JARAK YANG TERJAUH DI ANTARA KITA BERDUA,BUKANLAH JARAK RIBUAN MIL YANG ADA DI ANTARA KITA,ATAU JARAK ANTARA LANGIT DAN BUMI,JUGA JARAK ANTARA SURGA DAN NERAKA,TETAPI DI SAAT KAU BERDIRI DI DEPAN KEDUA MATAKU....DAN KAU TAK TAHU JIKALAU AKU MENYAYANGI KAMU!"




....just wrote back based on true events,inspired of her,before she passed away....
our first rendezvouz @Banjar Wijaya,Tangerang....but then,our goodbye happens@Soetta airport after,in the beginning of May 2006,almost five years ago ),
from our appointment @there, it's been a three-four months,we didn't met each others,
coz she got a hard new different works in Balikpapan,Samarinda and Pontianak that day....
May 2,2006,our new first date,to welcome her from Pontianak @Soetta domestic arrival airport....
after this occasion,it's been a hard days night to struggle in my life....

[ i dunno when exactly i wrote this unperfect deeply ironic poem,but now,the answer is....i'd already write again now, so firstable,i do apologize to all of you ,friends if any name of places, any characters ,or any words that was wounded or touched you personally then....i am really really really sorry yeah for this poem was already published ]


JAKARTA,corner of my net room
Tuesday,April 27, 2011

07:10 pm


LEGA....PUAS....BEBAAAAAAASSSS SEKARAAAAAAANG! 





 



( Minds. Feelings. Heart. All drawn to you. I wonder what happened ????.... But why my heart is sinking like a nightmare that comes into my nights. WHY?)

Ten o'clock.

Months rise up to the sky.

There was no wind.

No clouds.

DARK.

As this cloud compassionate heart.



STILL??

STILL

STILL ....

AND STILL

Instead do not want

This second

I just

lost for words

'Cos words

sometimes

apparently

likes

will not mean

'for almost people

then so be enjoyed

This silence

liked

a graffiti

on the walls of the building

which

I see

BETTER  TALK

GOOD

OR

JUST SILENT


( Minds . Feelings. Heart. They were never in line to pick up a DREAM .... WHY ????.... I also do not understand)


Ten thirty now...

Moon is still just above my head.

And the winds still gone.



Ten seconds missed

without voices

Sleeping room lamps

still burning

I was stunned

mutter

ALONE

 caught in

my head

that

One thing is certain

who was me

still

survive

EXPECTATIONS

yes EXPECTATIONS

from a dream

DREAM was

visited

When I fell asleep

But

I realize

GOD

also always truly

wake me up

every day

And give me

OPPORTUNITIES

'Tuk achieve my dreams

come true



( Minds. feelings. My Heart. Everything is drawn again to you. I also know what's going on?? .... WHY? And I also understand tonight .......)



Eleven o' clock at night.

Dense atmosphere.

And pitch.

There was no laughter merriment.

Moreover sobs.

Only the silence of the open mind

feelings and hearts.


Sometimes difficult

incised ink

word by word

who would you see

Said something

you need to hear

Or become

The real me



When the heart talk

should

I say

to you

You grow up so fast

Learning so much

Feel hard

to me every day

Doing the best

to help

along the way

Should I STILL

SILENT

or give advice

Do I have to

Answering YES

Or NOT at all

I should control

many rules

Or just let it go

disappear

One THING is for sure

I'm not a PERFECT man

And I am certainly

do and act WRONG

Maybe

partially visible

difficult to repair

But

if everything

DEFINITELY NOT appear already

now

you know that

You can still

always

I rely on

later





( Minds. feelings. My heart. They will never be in line to realize a DREAM. WHY? I also understand, but why my heart always be HAPPY and BLESSED even though the  nightmare  accompany me in every night. I smile 'cause that nightmare is divine Mysteries .. .. YES, only HE KNOW THAT ALMIGHTY, my friend and therefore understood, my beloved ....)


Exactly at midnight.

Pass seven .

Discussion finished completely.

Out reflection.

To myself.

I smiled in surprise.

Happy occurred.

Remembering her face.

long black hair.

Her eyes shine widely.

FINALLY

THERE ARE MISSING JOY.

in the shadow of my head.



Sometimes I do not know

how important

RESPONSIBILITIES

TO BE

YOUR FRIENDS

of YOUR LIFE

Or

YOUR BOYFRIEND

But

I UNDERSTAND

how valuable

FRIENDSHIP

and

preciously

this relationships

in

This LIFE

'Cos both

could MISSED

FOREVER

if

I do not

KEEP IT

LAST

FOREVER






"The furthest DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME, NOT A THOUSANDS OF MILES DISTANCE AMONG OUR EXISTING OR DISTANCE BETWEEN THE SKY AND THE EARTH, ALSO DISTANCE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL, BUT WHEN YOU'RE STANDING IN FRONT OFMY EYES .... AND YOU DID NOT KNOW IF I LOVE YOU EVERY EACH DAY...."